Tuesday, January 24, 2012

rantings on motherhood, satisfaction, and life lately

if you haven't read glennon melton's huffington post story "don't carpe diem" here is the link so you can do so right now.  i'll wait.

the story is every bit of hitting-the-nail-right-on-the-head for me at this point in my life and my new job of being a mama.  and on numerous occasions since reading her story, i have sighed and thought "kairos" and smiled because it is so right-on.  thank you glennon, i loved this story and can't wait to read more of your thoughts.

now on to my thoughts:
i am seriously in-love with being a mom and i am overwhelmed with how much i feel for this little person.  every single day i have joy - not every moment, but every damn day.  i would say that is the biggest blessing in the world, wouldn't you?  but being a mom is a hard job, especially if you do it right!  and having just been through such a whirlwind with relocating, new job, new work schedule, etc. i am a little down that i let so many months pass being wrapped up in silly things.  and by silly things i mean letting the stress of moving get the best of me, fretting over all the crap piled around me, the half-unpacked boxes, the house barely clean enough to move in to, the fact that there are a million things that i want to change about the house but won't because we don't have the money.  silly things!  i am so fortunate to have a roof over my head, albeit one that has a gaping squirrel-sized-hole in it, running water, heat, food, and most of all my family around me!  i know, mushy stuff, but seriously.  mike and i have talked about my need for perfection.  and it is a FLAW in my opinion...not all the time...but lately.  

i have a need to do things yesterday and i expect those around me to do the same.  why?  who cares if the boxes are still out on the porch and not in the garage?  me.  who cares if the guest bed sits in the living room because we scraped the wallpaper on two of four walls in the bedroom and then shut the door and proceeded to ignore that room entirely?  uhhh, me.  i am going to try to just BE SATISFIED more often.  with everything.  i don't mean i am going to strive for mediocrity or live in filth, stop shaving, and have the kid who smells like feet because he is never bathed.  but i want to be happy, even if things aren't perfect, aren't done as quickly as i prefer, even if that new bathroom we want to put in will only happen when money begins to grow on trees.  things will still get done, put away, sorted, cleaned...but maybe just not yesterday.  or even today.  but you know what i get instead?  to hang out with quinn and play and cook and go for walks and spend time with mike when he gets home from work instead of hounding him to get sh&t done.  that is my new year's resolution.  well...maybe my lifetime resolution.  to be satisfied more.

how have your resolutions been going?    


  1. I so understand this! I am kind of a perfectionist too and I really have to learn to let things go. I'm joining your New Year resolution: let's take things easier and enjoy life more!

  2. awesome, couldn't agree more. i am the same way, the quest for the perfect day. my brother and i (who are very similar) would call each other and rate our days on a 1-10 scale. i don't let myself do this anymore but its a hard balance. i often struggle with either too much or too little and right now its the latter. i really enjoyed reading this though. maybe someday when we are fortunate enough to get pregnant i will be able to slow down and relish in lifes little miracles.

  3. This is good stuff, sister. It's really all about these little people we're lucky enough to spend our days with (and their papas too) ain't it!?!