Monday, August 29, 2011

will someone please come get this baby to fall asleep? pretty please.

it is a good thing quinn is cute.

because he is persistent when he refuses to fall asleep.  i can usually hang in there until he finally nods off after rocking, nursing, swinging, singing.  but when i have only just woken up after working the night before and i am too exhausted to think straight i feel like i am going to scream or cry.

anybody out there want to come rock a very tired, teething, super-cute boy?  maybe until he is eighteen years old or so?  anybody?


  1. My daughter is about the same age, and it took me an hour to get her to take a nap this morning (only her request is nursing and a nonstop back rub...) I feel your pain! He is SO cute though :)

  2. sympathy over here. & i had the exact opposite problem yesterday. my baby boy would not wake up. growing much?!
    p/s: he's adorable!

  3. Oh man I feel your pain. Aidan refused to nap today and seeing as I am 9 months pregnant all I wanted to do was NAP!!! He just sang and then began calling, "mommy, mommy, mommy" over and over. good times.


  4. hi everyone! thank you for the sympathy/empathy/shared feelings of WTH! poor quinn is now asleep...a full hour and a half before normal bedtime. i think that when i work through the night he just refuses to sleep for me during the day because he would rather make up for lost time. or at least that is what i am telling myself!!! and his two top teeth are visible we may see a little relief in the near future. now it is a blue moon and some cleaning for me!

  5. Watch this once Quinn is asleep! At least it will make you laugh.


  6. I like reading mommy blogs. I really do. Even from parents who share different parenting philosophies. But there is one thing that I cannot stand - When I hear attachment parents whine about how tired they are of rocking their child to sleep. They created that situation completely unnecessarily. If they sleep trained their children they could put their kid in the crib, tell them to go to sleep, and walk away confident that their child knows how to fall asleep as well as any adult.

    Rocking to sleep is not something you can keep up forever, so why teach your child that life is one way only to leave them heartbroken when they realize they are not going to be cuddled and rocked to sleep for the rest of their lives? Your child is the one who is in for a rude awakening but all you can see is how tired YOU are.

    I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but I'm PMSing and I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! AHHHHH!

  7. maybe it's not one size fits all, anonymous, and some kids are plain old better equipped than others to fall asleep on their own, attachment parenting or not. and, assuming you're not an attachment parenter, have you read all the benefits of it?

    just a thought.

    hang in there, kate.

  8. good morning all -

    must have hit a bit of a nerve with a seemingly innocent and tired rant. parenting styles (and the babies themselves) are all certainly unique. to that effect, each day is often different than the next. yesterday was a trying day for a number of reasons: i was tired from a sleepless night on saturday thanks to hurricane irene, working a 12 hour shift on sunday night, and then having only 4 hours of sleep monday morning when i returned home. i believe anyone would be tired from that, even with no baby! couple that with a teething baby who now wants to hang out with his mama all day instead of nap because he missed me all night and then you have a blog post asking for someone to rock your baby to sleep.

    as far as attachment parenting, my instincts have told me that this is right for me and my child. i don't proclaim to know what is best for ALL children...just my own. i read what i can, learn what i can, and do the best i can. i am confident in knowing that quinn is happy, healthy, cries all of 5 minutes total per day (if that), and is thriving.

    lastly, as moms i believe we should hold each other up and learn from one another. what we don't need to do is kick each other while we are down. i was not whining, i was venting. you don't know my child, so you have no idea what rude awakenings await him in the future so best not to guess.

  9. I think what the other anonymous poster (it was NOT me) was trying to say (and didn't say very nicely) is that it can be difficult to hear the complaints of parents (especially those whose philosophies differ from your own) when they are complaining about a situation in one breath while touting the benefits of that same scenario in a previous breath. You did recently post on the dangers of the cry it out (CIO) method, which many people subscribe to as an acceptable method of sleep training. The article you pasted in your post was pretty adamantly against the CIO method, which probably felt like a judgment to any of your CIO readers. Then, a few days later, you are complaining about your son's lack of ability to sleep. It does seem a bit hypocritical. If you are anti-CIO, this likely means you will have to spend more time helping your child sleep, and you shouldn't then complain about it because you have asked for it in a sense--even though you are tired and that is completely understandable. The complaint, however, makes it seem as though you think someone else owes you something (sympathy, help--which you even asked for, however jokingly) because you are having a tough time dealing with a situation you created because the alternative was not appealing to you. It is also difficult, I think especially for CIO parents (who catch a lot of flak from attachment parents who think they are abandoning their kids), to then read that you know that what you are doing is the right thing because your kid is happy and healthy and only cries five minutes a day. It makes it sound as though children of CIO parents can't be all of those things. I allow my kid to CIO a bit at naps and a bit at night, and it is the only method that has trained her to sleep through the night at five months old and to go down for 2 hour naps by herself without rocking and other sleep aids. AND my kid smiles all day long. She is the happiest baby--we hear this time and again from friends, strangers, relatives. I think you are right that every kid is different, and CIO might not work for yours (it didn't for ours in the beginning either). As the mother who made, grew, and birthed your son, you have a right to make that decision for your kid, but you do open yourself up to criticism when you post on the dangers of one method, and, shortly thereafter, complain about the situation that has resulted from the method you did choose. You have to live with your choices, especially when you continue to tout their benefits.

  10. it's getting hot in huuuuurrrr!

    moving on.

    the anonymous comment just above mine, i totally understand what you're saying. as a new parent (of a newborn anyway, i have four others, that's a story for another day) myself, i'm not speaking from experience... yet. give me a few months. however, i get where you're coming from--posting the article one day, complaining about quinn's lack of sleep the next.

    but, let's remember a few things. this is kate's blog. she can post whatever she wants. second, because we're moms, are we not allowed to complain / ask for some empathy simply because of a "you made your bed now you have to lie in it" thought process??? and finally, a post that probably took her all of 2 minutes to write and was not, perhaps, well thought out shouldn't incite this much frustration--a blog post is only a brief window into one's day. i'm a blogger. i know this. you cannot get the whole story from a 90-second post. obviously, as kate's sister, i am more privy to the details of kate's life--her nursing schedule, moving, other factors that made it more difficult this time to deal with quinn's sleeplessness, etc.--but still, we could all afford a bit more compassion and understanding when it comes to commenting. while 99% of her days, she's able to endure (not only endure but happily accept) getting her son to sleep (even if the difficulty was, as you point out, brought on by her and her husband's attachment parenting choices), this day it was especially hard. so lay off.

    finally, quinn is the happiest (read: the HAPPIEST) boy ever so clearly, they're doing something right. and before you get your panties in a bunch, that last sentence should not put you on the defense. it is NOT a jab at your own choices of CIO or not simply because this attached-parenting nephew of mine smiles all the live long day.

    and i'm out.

  11. Response to Bridget (from the 2nd anonymous commenter--this is getting confusing): I actually agree with much of what you wrote here, Bridget. It is her blog, Quinn is her son--each of those things gives her the right to make the choices she makes and then to write whatever she wants about those choices. That being said, since you are a blogger, you understand that blogs are read by others, who have thoughts on what they read. Thoughts they are equally entitled to have and to post (given that it is a public blog). You are also right that blogs are a window into a moment, and I did assume that this particular post was, in fact, written in the heat of a moment (what Mom doesn't understand the heat of the moment--even when that moment is the result of other choices made earlier when sanity, sleep, and patience were perhaps in greater quantities).
    All of that being said, Kate is consistently espousing one particular theory of parenting--and she is espousing it without always being super-careful about caveating it as her own choice (i.e.--not in judgment of someone else's--yet she expects no one to judge her choices and her responses to those choices). Just to be sure of what I am saying, I revisited some of Kate's earlier posts--the one about the dangers of CIO as well as the one about the book they are using to help Quinn sleep). In this second post, she states that she and her husband are not fans of the CIO method--fine, I take NO issue here as that is her right as a mother. But she goes on to say that they prefer more gentle methods of getting their son to sleep. Put yourself in the position of a CIO parent when reading that statement. What are the logical opposites of the term "gentle." Words like "brutal," "harsh," "unkind" spring to mind. These are value-laden terms; the word "gentle" is a statement of value. This terminology, coupled with her statements that she treats her son how she would like to be treated and that the CIO method is dangerous make it hard not to conclude that she is judging other parenting approaches and that she is not granting the same courtesy that she expects to receive from others. My original response did try to take into account everything she has written on the subject and not just the quick snapshot of an overtired Momma (again--we have ALL been there--that, at the very least, we all have in common). Maybe I was too harsh in what I wrote--I honestly didn't intend to be. I do sympathize with any Mom who is having a rough day. I have been there. I spent the first 6 weeks of my daughter's life holding her around the clock (literally, not sleeping at all for a while there). I also didn't necessarily mean to imply that making a choice means you can't ask for sympathy when having a rough day living with that choice--what I should have said more clearly is that it would be difficult to expect a CIO reader of Kate's blog to have too much empathy given the history of the blog on sleep issues and the fact that they likely feel a bit judged about their own choices on the matter.

  12. Continued from above: Finally, in response to your last paragraph, I do not take what you said as a jab against my own parenting--I also don't think we need to get into arguing who's kid is happier--after all, how could we possibly know that. Very much like Kate, I view my own child's happy, sweet, and utterly precious demeanor as PERSONAL validation that what I am doing for her works FOR HER (to be fair--Kate made this point as well). My point here is that Kate's anecdotal evidence of Quinn's happiness does not prove the benefits of attachment parenting any more than my story about my daughter's happiness proves that CIO is the way for every parent to go. What these different stories suggest is that there is more than one way to raise a happy kid.

    Maybe that's the lesson here--there is more than one way to parent. On almost any parenting choice, one can find oneself part of a heated debate with other, equally well-meaning, Moms who see things differently. It should be okay that we disagree with each other at times. I just think we should be more careful to approach parenting discussions with the understanding that there are other Moms out there who would disagree with us and who are also just trying to do the best job they can do.

  13. anonymous, show thyself! i have a feeling we agree on more than we disagree -- but, being agreeable when even the latter is true is what it's all about, hear hear??!

    though i'm not really sure what we disagree on as i'm the newbie here who hasn't really subscribed to a "method" yet...(though, in all fairness, watching my sister and mike parent quinn the way they have feels right to me as well for my own new guy) i do believe i'll be steering clear of that a-bomb in a public forum such as my bliggity blog. perhaps kate will avoid this topic in the future- but probably not. she's a spicy one, that sister of mine.

    and finally, "kate's anecdotal evidence of quinn's happiness" absolutely DOES prove the benefits of attachment parenting.

    that was a joke. i can be spicy too.

    and i'm out. for reals this time.
    catch ya lata, bitches (meant in a totally friendly way).

  14. To Anonymous Commenter #2 - I'm sad to say your attempt to educate Kate on why she has generated such a negative reaction was probably wasted breath. You're assuming that Kate is an idiot who doesn't understand basic social etiquette, but take a look around, she seems pretty intelligent to me.

    If I had to guess, Kate seems like one of those people who are so enamored with their own wisdom that they no longer see the value in considering anyone's thoughts and feelings but their own, hence the self-righteous post essentially condemning other people who practice sleep training. She supports her decision to helicopter parent by explaining that it just felt right, "instinctual". She thinks so highly of herself that she doesn't see the need to think out how this parenting strategy will affect her child long term, she just trusts her instincts. I admit, this "trusts your instincts" philosophy sounds great until you start to evaluate it using logic. Imagine what the world would be like if we did only what our instincts led us to do without regard for the consequences. My instincts tell me to seduce and procreate with every gorgeous barista and repairman I meet, despite the fact that I am already a married woman. They also tell me to eat lots of french fries and ice cream.

    My best friend is an attachment parent and I love her to death, but she does not go around condemning people who practice other methods. Her child is also very happy. At least as long as she is not separated from her mother. As soon as her mother is out of the picture, this extremely co-dependant child turns into a complete monster (and I am not exaggerating, I literally have to plug my ears to save my hearing; this girl can scream). All of her attachment parenting friends tell her this is normal toddler behavior. All of us non attachment parents know that its not. This child is literally incapable of a good mood when separated from her mother. My friend is now pregnant again and swears this time she is going to let her baby learn to self soothe. As a professional sleep trainer, I see alot of women who fall in love with the idea of attachment parentinging only to become painfully aware of the pitfalls and completely switch strategies with subsequent children.

    I usually am filled with affection for attachment parents. They are most often very kind hearted and sweet people, but every now and then you'll come across one who is just flat out arrogant. I'm guessing if she wasn't so arrogant in previous posts that no one would be giving her a hard time.

  15. Lady above me, Quinn is cared for by his grandparents, his father & mother, so what makes you think he'll have unhealthy attachment to just his mother? Also, food cravings & sexing up your waiter are issues with will power not instinct.

  16. hi kate! i just came across your blog for the first time, and the first thing i thought was "aw what a cute baby." Then I read the first line of your post and had to laugh. my son is 15 months now, but i remember saying that very thing so many times. don't worry, the sleeplessness will end. I promise.

  17. anonymous "professional sleep trainer": (is that a real job?)

    you need to get laid! and perhaps by one of those baristas or repairmen your instincts tell you to seduce.

    good luck with that!

  18. Wow, Kate...from one mom to another, here's a little love sent your way. I have read, and it makes sense to me, that the exact method you subscribe to for helping your baby sleep is only a sliver of the whole picture of what makes him/her a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child. I have dipped into a few of the different methods (but will admit that I'm not a CIO girl myself) and know the importance of choosing what feels "right" for you and your child. The very most important thing is loving your child, as imperfect as our love can be at times, and letting him love you back. Looks to me like you're doing a wonderful job.

    And probably anything that has to be said "Anonymously" is not worth reading.

    Proudly posted by Rita

  19. Both of our sons slept in our bed for the first 14 months of life. Mostly attached to my breast (I mean, I have two, but you know, one at a time). I was tired. They didn't sleep great, even wedged in my armpit. I wasn't necessarily anti-CIO, but breast-feeding was really important to me, and I wasn't willing to compromise my milk production by ending the nighttime feedings. I wasn't willing to let an infant cry at 2 am when he might be hungry. Anyways, all this to say, when I weaned at 14 months (which was easy and natural for them and me), both boys went to their cribs, and with just a couple nights of crying, have slept in their own rooms
    since. I'm not giving you advice on weaning or CIO, just saying that I thought
    there was no hope of sleeping well ever again. But, it finally happened! Hang in