so my first night back to work has come and gone and my second is tonight. team quinn is in full-effect. and it was...so...hard. mike stayed home from work to help me prepare and rest and stay sane. i spent the day snuggling with quinn and getting all my supplies together: breast pump, cooler, ice packs, bottles to fill, bottles of breastmilk thawing for quinn, bottle warmer filled with water...so many details! my mom (mamie) arrived at about 4pm with dinner prepared by my sister erinn (thanks erinn!). with two hours to go before i left, i began to sniffle and tear up causing my mamie to do the same. i gave her a little thank you gift: a note from quinn on his own stationary (a gift from sara...thanks!), slippers that massage your feet, dagoba chocolate bar, and some burt's bees shimmer lotion. she recalled having to go back to work when i was three years old and again when my little sister (bridget) was three months old. we again became bleary-eyed. my heart just continued to grow heavy as the clock ticked. my type A, detail-oriented brain thought that the best way to cope was to go through all the directions about bottles and thawed breastmilk and how you can't re-heat it once it has been heated and you can't refreeze it once it has been thawed...so many rules! mike and mamie just humored me and listened, knowing that this was how i was best dealing with the situation. the time came and my friend and co-worked janet came to pick me up (a much better idea than for me to recklessly drive to philly while sobbing and arguing with myself that i should just turn back and quit my job because nothing is worth leaving this baby). she brought a little present for quinn and it certainly helped lighten the mood. i hugged him and kissed him and told him that i would be home when he wakes up and i handed him to his papa. and away i went. and yes, i was crying again.
work was thankfully busy and my patient may have actually given herself a finger blister from pushing the call bell so often. but it was just what i needed...to be busy. and my patient and her family were so sweet and she delivered a healthy baby boy a bit before midnight. janet and the rest of my co-workers were wonderful, wanting to hear the story of quinn's birth, telling me to go pump while they watched my patient. my mom sent an email updated. mike sent pictures and texts of how he and quinn were doing. all was well.
at 7:14am i clocked out and janet and i flew to her car. she dropped me off and i tore into the house, took a shower at lightning speed (necessary after a night at the hospital), and went to quinn. and he refused to look at me! he was hungry so i forgave him and nursed him and teared up AGAIN and told him about my night. his dad was in bed, sleepy from a long night of feeding quinn, so mamie and quinn and i sat and talked about how the first night back to work went. by the time quinn was finished nursing he began to steal glances of me but refused to actually look at me or smile. stubborn boy! we went and got in bed with mike and snuggled and nursed and slept. by 9:30am he was back to his old self, smiling and cooing and loving me again. we had all survived.
thank you family and friends for your thoughts and texts and prayers. i love you!
oh sister, glad you made it through! and he's still a happy, happy boy!
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